Why won’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? Not enough sand.
Why did God make snakes just before lawyers? To practice.
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope.
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? Take your foot off his head.
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? No? Good!
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of pond scum? The bucket.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.
What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention? The caterer.
Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? If one side has one, the other side has to get one. —————– Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? Once launched, they can’t be recalled. —————– Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? When they land, they prevent anything from functioning for the next hundred years.