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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? One; the lawyer holds it while the rest of the world revolves around him.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer points.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What’s the difference between a bankrupt attorney and a pigeon? The pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

What’s the difference between lawyers and buzzards? Lawyers have removable wing tips.

What’s the definition of a lawyer? A mouth with a life support system.

What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell? No changes occur.

What’s the difference between God and an attorney? God doesn’t think he’s an attorney.

How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? Never enough.

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they’d rather keep their clients in the dark.