Lawyer Jokes

Lawyer Jokes, divided based on different specialties within law.

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer’s club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape. “It ain’t so bad,” one crook noted. “We got $25 between us.” The boss screamed: “I warned you to stay clear of lawyers …

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At the United Way in a fairly small town

At the United Way in a fairly small town a volunteer worker noticed that the most successful lawyer in the whole town hadn’t made a contribution. This guy was making about $600,000 a year so the volunteer thought, “Why not call him up?” He calls up the lawyer. “Sir, according to our research you haven’t …

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A young attorney who had taken over his father’s practice

A young attorney who had taken over his father’s practice rushed home elated one night. “Dad, listen,” he shouted, “I’ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.” “Settled it!” cried his astonished father. “Why, I gave that to you as an annuity for life.”

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A client who felt his legal bill was too high

A client who felt his legal bill was too high asked his lawyer to itemize costs. The statement included this item: “Was walking down the street and saw you on the other side. Walked to the corner to cross at the light, crossed the street and walked quickly to catch up with you. Got close …

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DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE COWS!

After his graduation from college, the son of a Spanish lawyer was considering his future. He went to his father and asked if he might be given a desk in the corner from which he could observe his father’s activities and be introduced to his father’s clients as a clerk. His observations would help him …

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Lawyer explaining fees

Lawyer: Now that your case is settled, I’d like to explain my fees to you. You owe me $500 now and $347.26 a month for the next 36 months. Client: “I’ve never heard of such a fee schedule! Why, it sounds like car payments!” Lawyer: “You’re right — mine.”

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How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? How many can you afford?

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A client who felt his legal bill was too high…

A client who felt his legal bill was too high asked his lawyer to itemize costs. The statement included this item: “Was walking down the street and saw you on the other side. Walked to the corner to cross at the light, crossed the street and walked quickly to catch up with you. Got close …

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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

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What do you call a judge gone bad?

What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Your honor. What do you call a judge gone bad? Senator.

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