What do lawyers do after they die? They lie still.
How can you tell a lawyer is lying? Other lawyers look interested.
Why should lawyers wear lots of sunscreen when vacationing at a beach resort? Because they’re used to doing all of their lying indoors.
What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common? You always hear about them, but you never see them.
Have you heard about the lawyers’ word processor? No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.
When lawyers die, why don’t vultures eat them? Even a vulture has taste.
How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? Three–one to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company.
Did you hear about the lawyer hurt in an accident? An ambulance stopped suddenly.
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, “Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my …
“I’m beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money.” “Why do you say that?” “Listen to this from his bill: ‘For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $25’.”