How many lawyer jokes are there? Just two, all the rest are true.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

Why does California have the most attorneys, and New Jersey have the most toxic waste dumps? New Jersey got first pick.

What’s black and brown and looks good on an attorney? A doberman pinscher.

When attorneys die, why do they bury them 600 feet underground? Because deep down, they’re really nice guys.

If you drop a snake and an attorney off the Empire State Building, which one hits first? Who cares?

How can you tell the difference between a dead skunk and a dead attorney on the road? The vultures aren’t gagging over the skunk.

What’s the difference between an attorney and a pit bull? Jewelry.

What do lawyers use for birth control? Their personalities.

What’s the definition of mixed emotions? Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.