Apr 07

How do you tell if it is REALLY cold outside?

A lawyer has his hands in his own pockets

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Rating: 7.8/10 (216 votes cast)
Apr 07

How can you spot a lawyer or politician walking down the street?

He will have his hands in someone else’s pockets.

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Rating: 6.1/10 (159 votes cast)
Dec 27

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

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Rating: 7.6/10 (218 votes cast)
Dec 27

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, lawyers only screw us.

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Rating: 8.4/10 (106 votes cast)
Dec 27

What’s wrong with lawyer jokes?

Lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and nobody else thinks they’re jokes.

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Rating: 8.4/10 (135 votes cast)
Dec 27

Why have some cities outlawed lawyers from going to the beach?

Because the cats keep trying to bury them in the sand.

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Rating: 6.0/10 (65 votes cast)
Dec 27

If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?

Shoot the lawyer twice.

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Rating: 8.4/10 (107 votes cast)
Dec 27

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!

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Rating: 7.4/10 (78 votes cast)
Dec 27

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

His lips are moving.

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Rating: 8.0/10 (91 votes cast)
Dec 27

What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the dog.

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Rating: 7.9/10 (84 votes cast)
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