Dec 27

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of pond scum?

The bucket.

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Rating: 6.6/10 (44 votes cast)
Dec 26

A young attorney who had taken over his father’s practice rushed home elated one night.

“Dad, listen,” he shouted, “I’ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.”

“Settled it!” cried his astonished father. “Why, I gave that to you as an annuity for life.”

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Rating: 8.0/10 (21 votes cast)
Dec 27

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.

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Rating: 3.5/10 (63 votes cast)
Dec 26

Look! look!…theres our star reindeer!…Rudolphs got on his mink coat and a cigar and his lawyer!…I heard he has a clause in his freakin contract that states.. he doesn’t have to do any practice runs anytime it starts to snow…SHEESH!

See more cartoons by Anton Ballard at: http://www.deep-end.com

Special thanks to Anton for allowing me to feature his cartoons on this site.

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Rating: 7.9/10 (8 votes cast)
Dec 27

What’s the difference between a bankrupt attorney and a pigeon?

The pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Rating: 7.2/10 (37 votes cast)
Apr 07

How do you tell if it is REALLY cold outside?

A lawyer has his hands in his own pockets

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Rating: 7.8/10 (216 votes cast)
Apr 07

How can you spot a lawyer or politician walking down the street?

He will have his hands in someone else’s pockets.

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Rating: 6.1/10 (159 votes cast)
Dec 27

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

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Rating: 7.6/10 (217 votes cast)
Dec 27

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, lawyers only screw us.

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Rating: 8.4/10 (106 votes cast)
Dec 27

What’s wrong with lawyer jokes?

Lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and nobody else thinks they’re jokes.

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Rating: 8.4/10 (135 votes cast)
Dec 27

Why have some cities outlawed lawyers from going to the beach?

Because the cats keep trying to bury them in the sand.

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Rating: 6.0/10 (65 votes cast)
Dec 27

If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?

Shoot the lawyer twice.

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Rating: 8.4/10 (107 votes cast)
Dec 27

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!

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Rating: 7.4/10 (78 votes cast)
Dec 27

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

His lips are moving.

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Rating: 8.0/10 (91 votes cast)
Dec 27

What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the dog.

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Rating: 7.9/10 (84 votes cast)
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