Dec 26

Attorneys at Law – Cartoonists at Humor

See more cartoons by Jason Love at: jasonlove.com

Special thanks to Jason for allowing me to feature his cartoons on this site.

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Rating: 3.4/10 (16 votes cast)
Dec 27

If you drop a snake and an attorney off the Empire State Building, which one hits first?

Who cares?

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Dec 27

When asked, “What is a contingent fee?” a lawyer answered, “A contingent fee to a lawyer means, if I don’t win your suit, I get nothing. If I do win it, you get nothing.”

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Rating: 7.1/10 (33 votes cast)
Dec 27

An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. “Here’s $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me.”

At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, “I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery.”

“Well, since we’re confiding in each other,” said the doctor, “I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000.”

The lawyer was aghast. “I’m ashamed of both of you,” he exclaimed. “I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000.”

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Rating: 8.0/10 (49 votes cast)
Dec 26

A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn’t want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, “Don’t worry. You’ll never have to go to jail with all that money.” And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.

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Apr 07

How do you tell if it is REALLY cold outside?

A lawyer has his hands in his own pockets

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Rating: 7.8/10 (216 votes cast)
Apr 07

How can you spot a lawyer or politician walking down the street?

He will have his hands in someone else’s pockets.

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Rating: 6.1/10 (159 votes cast)
Dec 27

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

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Rating: 7.6/10 (217 votes cast)
Dec 27

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, lawyers only screw us.

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Rating: 8.4/10 (106 votes cast)
Dec 27

What’s wrong with lawyer jokes?

Lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and nobody else thinks they’re jokes.

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Rating: 8.4/10 (135 votes cast)
Dec 27

Why have some cities outlawed lawyers from going to the beach?

Because the cats keep trying to bury them in the sand.

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Rating: 6.0/10 (65 votes cast)
Dec 27

If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?

Shoot the lawyer twice.

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Rating: 8.4/10 (107 votes cast)
Dec 27

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!

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Rating: 7.4/10 (78 votes cast)
Dec 27

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

His lips are moving.

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Rating: 8.0/10 (91 votes cast)
Dec 27

What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the dog.

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Rating: 7.9/10 (84 votes cast)
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